It’s human nature. Every single aspect of it.
The wanting of it, the blissful days filled with the feeling of being in love, and the heart
break of losing it. For years I detested Valentine’s day just because of it. People rushing to and fro with roses, chocolates, teddy bears. And then we had MySpace and Facebook where our friends would gush over the lovely and thoughtful things their love’s gifted to them on this day, complete with photos posted to their virtual walls.
Now that I’ve gotten THAT out of the way, I’ll have you know I’m over it. I dropped my axe for it a long time ago. But it will still never get me to perform or dish out a love spell. Why? Because they’re trouble.
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When I was learning the Craft, there were no “Innocent Love spells”. Despite how they have been altered, ripped apart, rearranged to suit and delivered in a pretty little “Harm none” package over the past 25 plus years, at their root they are still designed to alter another person’s free will.
…. But I’ll get back to that…..
When I was twenty years old I thought I was in love. I was with this guy on and off for a few years, and when I’d decided to perform a certain love spell on him to bring him back, I hadn’t taken into consideration the placement of my altar, that spells take time to work, or that I may have been opening Pandora’s box…..
….Oh, what a tangled web we weave!…. Well, at least, I did.
I lit the candle, did everything I was supposed to do, and I did it every night after I came home from work. A few months down the road with no results, not even so much as a phone call, I’d given it up…and besides, I had a new boyfriend 😉 …nothing heals a broken heart faster than someone else to distract you from your woes 😉
One night (Valentine’s Day, as a matter of fact) I’d come home from work to find that the new boyfriend had a romantic, elaborate dinner waiting for me…complete with the candles from the spell I’d tried casting months earlier…..LIT.
Sure, “Oh, CRAP!” crossed my mind. “What if?” crossed my mind too. Then I thought, “Nah!” and enjoyed the the time with him.
Three days later, the phone rang. It was the ex. Mind you, about eight months had passed since first lighting the wick of the candle I’d designated for the spell. I sat quietly on the line…in shock and disbelief as he told me that he missed me. That he’d made a mistake. That he wanted us to work things out. That for the past eight months all he has been able to think about was me, that he’d resisted the urge to call but couldn’t take it any more and blah, blah, blah….. sounds like a line of BS, but you’d have to know the guy to understand that something came over him to pick up the phone and do that….eight months after the fact.
I tried my best to be polite, despite the urge to rub my new-found happiness in his face. I was a good girl, I let him down, but I let him down gently. Now he knew I’d moved on, I was happy, and that I wanted him to be happy too.
A week later, he showed up at my job with roses. The phone calls (mostly late at night) continued, letters and cards pouring out his heart started flooding my mail box (this was way back when before the internet or email existed and people still used mail correspondence 😛 )
Do these chicks look familiar to you??
Remember what they did to that poor SOB Chris? He was a love-sick zombie… and my ex was no different. It really was becoming a problem.
I had two mentors in my path. The first was my great-aunt in Puerto Rico and the second was Maria ( I wrote a bit about her in my previous blog post). My aunt, when I begged and pleaded for her to help me out of the debacle I brought upon myself laughed, called me an idiot (and I was) and told me to lay in the bed I made. Maria, fortunately, was a bit more sympathetic and helped me. Not because I deserved it, I didn’t. And certainly not because she liked my new boyfriend. She didn’t (even though she didn’t like too many people to begin with), but she REALLY detested the old boyfriend, so I was in luck!
Here’s the thing.
Imagine you are at a diner or restaurant and on the table in front of you is one of those paper place mats with the puzzles and activities on it. One happens to be a connect the dots game. So you get a pen and start connecting the dots, but before you get a chance to finish, your food arrives. You look down at the picture, incomplete, and can see that it would have eventually been a picture of a crab. Doesn’t really look like a crab, it has a smiley face and all, only a couple of legs and maybe one claw, but you’re intelligent enough to know that if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it’s a duck…but in this case, it’s a crab.
It’s the same with love spells.
You can alter them. You can change the “intent”. You can change the candle color, the wording, the moon phase, add “Blessed Be” or, “An it harm none” to it or whatever you want to do to try and justify that you are doing it for someone else’s greater good, but at the end of the day, it’s still a love spell, and it still holds more doors open for the opportunity for something to go awry. It wasn’t just my own stupidity that brought me to this conclusion. I’ve seen it happen time and time again with others. With clients I’ve had that came to me to bail them out of a relationship they thought was “It” when they were 16 (and now they’re 30, married with kids and the old flame is causing problems in the marriage), I’ve seen it happen with my own students. If you’re hell bent on performing any kind of love spell, consider the responsibility it holds and do it on yourself instead–and even that can be risky.
Let me give you another scenario.
Liz and Tom are 6 months into a committed relationship with each other. Liz decides it would be a fantastic idea to perform a love spell on them both to “Make their love stronger”. Harmless, right? Well, let’s say for the sake of argument that 3 more months down the road, Liz decides that while she loves Tom, maybe they’re rushing into things a bit and she needs some space. Another two weeks go by, and while out with her girlfriends one night, Liz meets this really great guy and decides she wants to see where it goes with him…
Where does this leave Tom? Love sick.
And still thinking about Liz who, while well-intended at the time, cast a love spell on the two of them to make their love stronger. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t still love the guy, maybe she just wants to play the field a bit before she settles with him. Meanwhile, as they say, absence makes the heart grow stronger, poor Tom is sitting around waiting on this girl to come to her senses missing and loving her more.
I mean, the above scenareo could get far more sticky than just that. Tom could walk into a pub and find Liz all cozy with the new chap, and Liz, by virtue of her own carelessness, has just lost the guy who truly loved her from the start. Or Tom could go and sow his wild oats with every skirt that gave him the time of day all in an effort to try and forget Liz. What if they had been married and she had performed this spell, and Tom wasn’t really such a nice guy after all? She just bound herself to someone and to a relationship that are both toxic for her.
You might even be completely single, a free agent of the game of love…however profoundly educated on the topic of love spells you fancy yourself to be, you can still perform a love spell listing seven qualities you desire in your next girlfriend… get them, however, they may come in seven different women. ( That stampeding you hear in the back ground is the single, gigolo men rushing out the door for the nearest place that sells red candles). Most of today’s witches go by the general rule of if it doesn’t cause harm to someone else, it should be ok to do it. However, you have to realize that I’m talking about all kinds of harm, not just physical harm. Subverting someone’s free will is causing harm. Stealing their property (another man’s wife, another woman’s boyfriend or husband) is harm.
So how do you know what’s a bad love spell? (In my opinion, they all are) but the kind of love spell that is cast to make someone fall in love with you would fall into the bad category…. even the traditional, old-school witch doesn’t like doing them. You’re attempting to subvert their free will to make them love you. Not only is this bad because you’re subverting their free will, but it’s also bad because, if the spell is successful, then it wouldn’t really be love, because the person the spell was cast upon wouldn’t have chosen it….. and for me, if it ain’t real, then I don’t want it. ..
Sometimes, it might just be better to be patient and let nature take its course…..
Photo & Artwork Credit:
Wonky Barbed Wire Heart With Spider Web And Spider by thedustyraven